I'm having this ridiculous urge to turn the keys over to Lucy, even though I just switched to the tighter 42mm ring yesterday morning. I want her to take the keys and tell me to suck it up, and not let me out unless I'm raw and bleeding. I want to be out of mind with desperation at having my cock locked up and inaccessible.
Of course, the reality is that I can trivially pull out and jerk off anytime I want, so the Steelheart is largely symbolic. Yes, I understand that on some level, any chastity device is largely symbolic, but let's not go there. A foolproof way to prevent pull-out is good enough for me, and that means a piercing, which I don't have. And even if I could get a piercing, there's still the wait while it heals.
Patience, patience, patience. This whole thing is about patience. Waiting for your wife to see the benefit of keeping you chaste. Waiting for her to come around to the device. Waiting for the next time you can lick her pussy. Waiting for her to change her mind and let you worship her asshole. No more patience! Instant gratification dammit! Instant nasty gratification.
Normally, at this point, I'd just go beat off. I really hope she's in the mood tonight...
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
It's so so good
"Can I get you off tonight?"
She looked particularly hot in her bathrobe and just-prescribed reading glasses. Not only hot, but radiant, and happy. And reading glasses are just so new and sexy on her. We just had a great weekend hosting friends we hadn't seen in years. I have to say I was the model husband, taking care of the cooking, and even looking after the kids so she could go out to dinner and catch up with her girlfriend. It was something any good husband would do for his wife. Still, these were points, and I wanted to cash in, even though I just had some (or rather, she just had some) Friday night to start the weekend.
"Sure."
Damn, but it never hurts to ask! This is why chastity works for us: I feel good, she feels good, we're both happy, and she wants it.
So I quickly turned off the TV (Jets/Patriots or pussy worship... no contest) and followed her upstairs, cock already straining against the Steelheart. I stripped and saw she noticed the SH, but she didn't say anything. I don't think the SH does anything for her, but if it makes me happy and she gets an ultra attentive husband out of it, then she's more than willing to go along.
I was all over her, but it was clear she didn't want a lot of foreplay. That's the other new development: wham-bam-thank-you-sir seems to be how she likes it now. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't know what to do with me without a cock or because we're constantly necking and groping now throughout the day, or because on top of all that touching we have frequent pure body worship sessions where her pussy is off limits and it's all foreplay. Or because she really seems to have taken to heart that I get my pleasure from giving her pleasure. Probably a combination of all of the above. She might be taking that last bit a little too far though, as the physical sex has been completely one way. Just a little teeny weensy bit of stimulation would be welcomed. But this is definitely a want, not a need, and I'm not going to try and change the rules now. Besides, she likes this dynamic, and that is just so hot.
But when she rushes things, I get a little insecure.
"You're not just letting me get you off for my benefit, are you?"
"Just shut the fuck up and get to it."
Ok, she didn't say exactly that, as she's much too nice, but that was definitely the sentiment.
So I get on my knees on the floor, my mouth at the level of her pussy as she stretches back on the bed, hands clasped behind her neck, thighs spread wide, wantonly naked and exposed, letting me drink her in. I can usually bring her to orgasm pretty quickly, but tonight, she takes forever. She never stops moaning her pleasure though, so I keep going. I can never get enough of her pussy. I love the way she tastes, I love the way she smells, I love the way her hips buckle as she grinds her way into my mouth. It goes on long enough that the SH gets seriously painful. Erections in the SH are uncomfortable, hour-long hard-as-rock erections are excruciating.
I keep my mouth on her pussy and work her clit hard with my tongue and bring her to a huge orgasm. Afterward, I spoon her and rub her back as she drifts off to sleep, my metal confined cock aching to feel the warmth of her pussy, inches away.
I haven't come since October 17th. We had agreed I wouldn't come again until January 1st, and maybe not even then. But at that instant I truthfully wanted to stretch out the moment forever.
She looked particularly hot in her bathrobe and just-prescribed reading glasses. Not only hot, but radiant, and happy. And reading glasses are just so new and sexy on her. We just had a great weekend hosting friends we hadn't seen in years. I have to say I was the model husband, taking care of the cooking, and even looking after the kids so she could go out to dinner and catch up with her girlfriend. It was something any good husband would do for his wife. Still, these were points, and I wanted to cash in, even though I just had some (or rather, she just had some) Friday night to start the weekend.
"Sure."
Damn, but it never hurts to ask! This is why chastity works for us: I feel good, she feels good, we're both happy, and she wants it.
So I quickly turned off the TV (Jets/Patriots or pussy worship... no contest) and followed her upstairs, cock already straining against the Steelheart. I stripped and saw she noticed the SH, but she didn't say anything. I don't think the SH does anything for her, but if it makes me happy and she gets an ultra attentive husband out of it, then she's more than willing to go along.
I was all over her, but it was clear she didn't want a lot of foreplay. That's the other new development: wham-bam-thank-you-sir seems to be how she likes it now. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't know what to do with me without a cock or because we're constantly necking and groping now throughout the day, or because on top of all that touching we have frequent pure body worship sessions where her pussy is off limits and it's all foreplay. Or because she really seems to have taken to heart that I get my pleasure from giving her pleasure. Probably a combination of all of the above. She might be taking that last bit a little too far though, as the physical sex has been completely one way. Just a little teeny weensy bit of stimulation would be welcomed. But this is definitely a want, not a need, and I'm not going to try and change the rules now. Besides, she likes this dynamic, and that is just so hot.
But when she rushes things, I get a little insecure.
"You're not just letting me get you off for my benefit, are you?"
"Just shut the fuck up and get to it."
Ok, she didn't say exactly that, as she's much too nice, but that was definitely the sentiment.
So I get on my knees on the floor, my mouth at the level of her pussy as she stretches back on the bed, hands clasped behind her neck, thighs spread wide, wantonly naked and exposed, letting me drink her in. I can usually bring her to orgasm pretty quickly, but tonight, she takes forever. She never stops moaning her pleasure though, so I keep going. I can never get enough of her pussy. I love the way she tastes, I love the way she smells, I love the way her hips buckle as she grinds her way into my mouth. It goes on long enough that the SH gets seriously painful. Erections in the SH are uncomfortable, hour-long hard-as-rock erections are excruciating.
I keep my mouth on her pussy and work her clit hard with my tongue and bring her to a huge orgasm. Afterward, I spoon her and rub her back as she drifts off to sleep, my metal confined cock aching to feel the warmth of her pussy, inches away.
I haven't come since October 17th. We had agreed I wouldn't come again until January 1st, and maybe not even then. But at that instant I truthfully wanted to stretch out the moment forever.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
As if it's real
I once had a beautiful girl who wanted to beat me. I remember one afternoon when we were just lounging around the house when she out of the blue said, "Let me beat you, I really want to beat you." I turned her down. Can you imagine that? Didn't she know there were protocols to follow, and that you can't just grab somebody while they're in the middle of a book and just beat them? She also liked to locked me up in a dog crate that we had. But that didn't work for me because she giggled through the whole thing. Dommes don't giggle. God I was such a shit. Kink didn't come naturally to her, but she tried, because she loved me. I on the other hand couldn't stand being patronized, I wasn't some sort of charity case. Because she wanted to accommodate my kink out of love, it wasn't real, and I would have none of it.
Years later and I am married to that beautiful girl. She still does a lot of things for me out of nothing more than love. Nothing more than love. I finally appreciate that beautiful girl and regret almost chasing her away, and I'm glad she's back to give me another chance.
Years later and I am married to that beautiful girl. She still does a lot of things for me out of nothing more than love. Nothing more than love. I finally appreciate that beautiful girl and regret almost chasing her away, and I'm glad she's back to give me another chance.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Up and down
My Steelheart arrived last week and it's just the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I love the way it feels on my body, I love heft, the grip, the solid chunk of metal between my legs. And I love it that it's there all the time. Shiny!
My wife Lucy, however, didn't do any back flips over the device. It didn't even seem to rate a golf clap. This is someone whom I think of as my other half, and she just had an experience so different from mine about something that is so important to me. Well, it sent me into a funk. Couple this with a two week dry spell in our sex life that I thought was just so typical of her priorities -- when things get a little stressed with family life or with work, sex is the first thing that goes. She doesn't seem find solace in sex, and this is something that I find hard to understand. When the world closes in, why doesn't she find comfort in the intense intimacy that comes from being naked, wrapped around one another, skin-on-skin?
With chastity though, if you honor the idea that she has control over your sex life, it makes you talk, as there's no "fuck it, I don't need her." And that's what we did, talk, and even though voices were raised and I got a little hysterical at times, it was a talk, not a fight. And the next morning we both felt much better. We didn't really resolve anything, but having brought our differences into sharp relief (once again), we can see around the differences for the person we love. She woke me up by gently touching and squeezing my hand. We kissed deeply, connected, and I was back in the zone.
My wife Lucy, however, didn't do any back flips over the device. It didn't even seem to rate a golf clap. This is someone whom I think of as my other half, and she just had an experience so different from mine about something that is so important to me. Well, it sent me into a funk. Couple this with a two week dry spell in our sex life that I thought was just so typical of her priorities -- when things get a little stressed with family life or with work, sex is the first thing that goes. She doesn't seem find solace in sex, and this is something that I find hard to understand. When the world closes in, why doesn't she find comfort in the intense intimacy that comes from being naked, wrapped around one another, skin-on-skin?
With chastity though, if you honor the idea that she has control over your sex life, it makes you talk, as there's no "fuck it, I don't need her." And that's what we did, talk, and even though voices were raised and I got a little hysterical at times, it was a talk, not a fight. And the next morning we both felt much better. We didn't really resolve anything, but having brought our differences into sharp relief (once again), we can see around the differences for the person we love. She woke me up by gently touching and squeezing my hand. We kissed deeply, connected, and I was back in the zone.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The story continues
I've been thinking about what happened last night with Lucy's non-reaction to this blog.
First off: what was I thinking? I had just finished a 16 hour day and I was exhausted. She had the kids all day and she was exhausted. We were mindlessly watching a crappy game and I should just have left it at that. The timing was just stupid.
Secondly: I can take being slapped down, but the indifference really bothered me. In our relationship, I'm the emotional one, with my heart on my sleeves, and she's the stoic. When we fight, I'm the one screaming, "Say something! Anything!" and she's the one who walks off. So I get defensive whenever I think she's retreated behind her wall. But in this case, I had mistaken exhaustion for indifference. How do I know this? Because I asked her tonight, when we were both slightly more rested, and she was relaxing out naked after a hot bath, and I was idly applying moisturizer to her oh-so-luscious curves.
"So how come you stopped reading after that [entry]?"
"I thought that was it, there's more?"
Now, I do post rather infrequently, but that did make me feel like an idiot.
"It's not that I don't like your blog, but I don't follow blogs, period."
And she's right. She doesn't follow any parenting blogs, or cooking blogs, or photo blogs, so why would it be any different with a chastity blog?
"It's not just any blog though," I say. "It's another channel of communication for us."
"I can see that. Tomorrow, I'll read the rest, OK?"
Okie-dokey.
First off: what was I thinking? I had just finished a 16 hour day and I was exhausted. She had the kids all day and she was exhausted. We were mindlessly watching a crappy game and I should just have left it at that. The timing was just stupid.
Secondly: I can take being slapped down, but the indifference really bothered me. In our relationship, I'm the emotional one, with my heart on my sleeves, and she's the stoic. When we fight, I'm the one screaming, "Say something! Anything!" and she's the one who walks off. So I get defensive whenever I think she's retreated behind her wall. But in this case, I had mistaken exhaustion for indifference. How do I know this? Because I asked her tonight, when we were both slightly more rested, and she was relaxing out naked after a hot bath, and I was idly applying moisturizer to her oh-so-luscious curves.
"So how come you stopped reading after that [entry]?"
"I thought that was it, there's more?"
Now, I do post rather infrequently, but that did make me feel like an idiot.
"It's not that I don't like your blog, but I don't follow blogs, period."
And she's right. She doesn't follow any parenting blogs, or cooking blogs, or photo blogs, so why would it be any different with a chastity blog?
"It's not just any blog though," I say. "It's another channel of communication for us."
"I can see that. Tomorrow, I'll read the rest, OK?"
Okie-dokey.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I love Lucy
But she apparently doesn't much care about the blog. I've never kept the blog a secret from my wife Lucy, but she's never once asked to read it. I finally asked her outright if she wanted to read it and she said yes. So tonight, during a rather one-sided Redskin/Phillies game, I turned on private browsing and pointed her browser at the blog. She got as far as "Pretty Nice Night" but wasn't inclined to read any further. She wasn't inclined to discuss it either. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Granted, it's hardly above mindless navel gazing, but I figure if there's one person who cares about what I write here, it would be my wife. I guess I was hoping for some recognition that the blog reflected some truths about our relationship, but I think it just made her uncomfortable. Is this just me pushing again? Trying for the millionth time to top from the bottom?
Steelheart imminent
As I mentioned over on Chastity Forums, I have a Steelworxx Steelheart coming!
I agonized over the total length, but after going back and forth with Steelworxx, I settled on 85mm, which will be a little longer than the troublesome CB-6000s that I currently wear on and off. What finally convinced me to go shorter rather than longer was Dev's observation that you're flaccid most of the time, so why optimize for comfort when erect? It made sense, but it contradicted with Thumper's sizing of his own Steelheart (though I know he's currently thinking of a smaller tube -- the question is how much smaller) so I was/am a tad worry.
In the end I went for 85mm total length, 35mm tube diameter, both a 42 and 45mm A ring, the comfort ring on the tube, the integrated lock ... and the PA fixing. I considered the 40mm ring, but it just looked too damn small. Seeing as how I'm currently bouncing between 1 3/4" and 1 7/8" with the CB-6000s, 42mm seemed much more likely.
I'm crossing my fingers that metal will be much more comfortable. And I'm totally jumping the gun on the PA fixing, seeing that I don't have a PA yet. But now I have to get one. I keep putting it off for some stupid reason.
I agonized over the total length, but after going back and forth with Steelworxx, I settled on 85mm, which will be a little longer than the troublesome CB-6000s that I currently wear on and off. What finally convinced me to go shorter rather than longer was Dev's observation that you're flaccid most of the time, so why optimize for comfort when erect? It made sense, but it contradicted with Thumper's sizing of his own Steelheart (though I know he's currently thinking of a smaller tube -- the question is how much smaller) so I was/am a tad worry.
In the end I went for 85mm total length, 35mm tube diameter, both a 42 and 45mm A ring, the comfort ring on the tube, the integrated lock ... and the PA fixing. I considered the 40mm ring, but it just looked too damn small. Seeing as how I'm currently bouncing between 1 3/4" and 1 7/8" with the CB-6000s, 42mm seemed much more likely.
I'm crossing my fingers that metal will be much more comfortable. And I'm totally jumping the gun on the PA fixing, seeing that I don't have a PA yet. But now I have to get one. I keep putting it off for some stupid reason.
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