The thrill is gone
The nights are cold
For love is old...
-- Patrica Barber
What struck me during our recent break from chastity play was how flat everything felt eventually. Life consisted of work, more work, kids, sleep, a wank or two. Repeat. The break didn't start out that way of course; Lucy and I skated the afterglow for a few days and we had a few orgasms together, and even had a few times when I came and she didn't, and I admit it felt great after being denied for so long. But the balance was fragile, and all it took was a bit of stress (work for me, kids for her) and we quickly retreated into our own world. When I needed some satisfaction, and that's every day -- it's a stress response -- it was much easier to masturbate than to engage Lucy. And Lucy, well, she's the one with the kids all day and that can pretty much consume her.
It all came to a head when I spent 14+ hours one weekend watching all four NFL match-ups, by myself. No offense to football fans, but those are 14 hours I'll never get back. And no, I'm not peeved because of the Patriots disaster (fake punt near mid-field, with less than 2 minutes to go in the half, trailing 7-3? Really?). I like my sports, but in moderation. I only go on a couch-potato bender when I'm in the doldrums and can't be motivated to do anything even mildly useful.
So I started slipping back into the device and easing back into chastity, even though I knew I had a business trip coming up where I couldn't bring the Steelheart along. I had one last big hurray -- actually a few -- those nights alone in the hotel, and when I came home that burning desire to be locked was back in full force. That was last Saturday night, not coincidentally, when I started posting again, both this blog and on the forums.
Now a few days later, I can feel my mindset changing, on my way to Dev's Chastity Nirvana. (BTW, I can never see Nirvana without also thinking Smells Like Teen Spirit. OK, so that dates me. I don't care.) It really amazes me that I can hack my emotional state like this, with just a bit of metal between my legs.
I can't wait to go down on Lucy.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Strictly Female/One Sexuality
I've been obsessed with the defunct blog, Strictly Female, for sometime now. It was written by someone who called herself Bridgette, who took it offline in early 2008. The blog apparently caused a minor ripple in certain corners of the interweb, remnants of which can still be detected if you go looking. Bridgette still surfaces occasionally, most recently as Brigget in the comments to this entry of the Male Chasity Blog, where she talks about her "One Sexuality" concept:
Not only do I deny him his physical pleasure, I also deny the existence of his sexuality in our relationship. In our relationship there exists only one sexuality that we explore and that is mine. He is not allowed to have one. For example, if he says he is horny, I would say that is my arousal he is feeling and he needs to come over and caress me and make me come when he feels that way. He needs to use me to express his sexuality. I even want him to be able to feel it in him when I come.
(Emphasis mine. Her entire comment, and the back-and-forth, is worth reading. If nothing else, it's hot.)
Most people will consider One Sexuality rather extreme, but is it really that different from "MC" as practiced by members of the Key Held blogs? For a lot of us, MC is not part of a Femdom or FLR arrangement. MC is just that -- Male Chastity, meaning no masturbation, no orgasm, with sex centered around her pleasure and her orgasm. And this might go on for weeks or months, or maybe even a year and beyond. Sometimes there is tease & denial, but in some MC relationships there is no T&D, and this is where the line with One Sexuality starts to blur.
I personally find the One Sexuality notion kind of romantic. Is it workable long term? Does the mere act of entertaining such a relationship, thinking that it can go beyond fantasy, mean that I'm just a wanabe wanker who has no grasp of reality?
It totally sucks that I wasn't paying attention in late 2007/early 2008 when Strictly Female was up, so I didn't get to read any of the blog. (I was a sleep deprived new parent at the time.) I did though recently come across some snippets on Saratoga's blog, here and here and here and here and here.
I'm reproducing them here, because, well, I'm obsessed. Please read Saratoga's entries for his inline comments.
First some highlights:
"I want the relationship to be about my sexuality only. I want to, in fact, have only one sexuality exist in our marriage. A female sexuality. My sexuality is what the entire relationship is about. If a sexuality is going to be explored, it is mine. If a sexuality is going to be pleasured, it is mine. If he wants to express his sexual feelings and frustrations and fantasies then he has to do it by expressing them through my sexual explorations. His constant sexual frustration simply doesn’t exist in our relationship. The feelings of frustration and constant arousal certainly exist in his body behind his chastity belt, but I refuse to allow them any expression in our marriage."
"When my husband sits between my legs and licks me, he is worshiping at the temple of this power and I teach him to let my female sexuality flow through him. When I cum, I want him to feel my ecstasy in his body. I want him to feel as one with my sexuality for that moment."
Wow. Who cares if it was a real blog? She can really write.
And as found on Saratoga's blog:
"I met a submissive man when I was in my early thirties and we saw each other for a little over a year before we got married. But, before we were married I made legal arrangements to my advantage and had my husband sign marriage vows spelling out in an open ended but binding way what I expected in our marriage. I wrote the vows to express and define what I expected of my submissive husband and what he could expect from me, his dominant wife.
In his vows, I wrote that he would promise to worship, serve and obey his wife while being denied any sexuality of his own, until death do us part. I promised to be his wife for as long as he worshiped, served and obeyed me and vowed to explore my sexuality freely and without limit while denying his."
"It takes a lot of conditioning and discipline (read whip) to reach this state of one sexuality. It takes a long time for a man to stop thinking only about how horny he feels. It takes a long time for a man to learn how to project his frustration into his female partner's body. But, it does eventually happen, because the chastity belt is relentless."
"He also has a very unusual stainless steel plug up his ass and locked in right now. I'm told the new design which has a longer shaft before it tapers out is much more easily tolerated and can be worn for more extended periods. The training plugs I got from them are huge for even my standards and there isn't anything even remotely close to medium in the whole kit. I really am not sure I will be able to work my poor little slut up to the largest plug or not. It might take a lot of nights strapped into the fucking machine to get him loose enough for the largest plug. But, what the heck, I ruined his poor little sphincter years ago. He is as loose as a porno star now."
"I finished my drink while I checked out the men watching me. I really wasn't wearing anything too unusual. I had on a black short leather mini skirt and black stockings. High black boots and a open front white blouse with a high collar. My blouse came down almost to the bottom of my skirt. My hair was up and I was wearing and playing with my glasses. I wasn't wearing anything that bad, just a little strict looking, maybe.
There is a certain kind of man that is so into this look and I can often spot them in a group like this. I'm always kind of looking for new prospects and I often men come up and give me their cards. But, I'm looking for that somewhat shy professional that can't top staring at me and often I have to approach him. That's the type of business card that I hunt for. I give the cards to Susan and she starts the ball rolling. You would be surprised how many of these submissive professional types will follow through when Susan calls and explains what she would expect of them.
Seeing no one interesting enough to entangle, I called my husband's cell and told him I was out front and hung up. I met him at the front desk and gave him a package and told him to go to the men's room, put it on and return to me quickly with the key. I smiled, told him to meet me in the bar and I walked off.
When he came into the bar he saw I was sitting at the bar patting the seat of the bar stool next to me. I saved him a nice, hard, wood stool. Of course, the purpose of sitting at the bar is that it forces him to sit right over the plug on the hard wood stool. Also, he can't squirm and be too obvious in the crowded bar or he will draw attention to his predicament. He comes over and kisses me and settles gently onto the stool. I smile deviously at him knowing that the plug is firmly pushed all the way into him."
"Just got back from a long drive from Toronto. My husband has been staying there for the last 7 weeks while I was away for a while staying with friends down in the state.
The new belt has worked so well that I have been able to keep him from even seeing his penis for over 5 months. He says he is having some mental issues that are making him worry because he is feeling brainwashed and is worried because he hasn't seen himself for so long. He thinks he is feeling disoriented. I just laugh at him. What did he think I was all about all of those years. I just never found the right chastity belt to do completely for me what this new belt does. It makes his sex go away."
"The most cruel and devious thing I do to my husband is that I let Adonis fuck his ass while Susan and I go upstairs to unwind. I figure Adonis fucked me. I want my husband to be totally in sync with how I feel. He really does hate this because he is no queer and it really fucks with his head. But, that is one of the prices I exact from him when I think he needs it."
"So we drove to Toronto 7 weeks ago so they could take the rivets out. This is where they originally put this belt on him over the last summer. I told him we could go back to Toronto to have the belt removed. What I didn't tell him was that it was going to be removed because I wanted to see if they would try a new and better belt my friend told me they had designed. So, I left him up there with my friend at The House so he could be fitted. They had him for 7 weeks of pure hell. I also had some work done on his tattoo which runs under his crotch and up his back. Such a thing can ever be finished. And, while he was there they did another laser hair removal on him. For those of you reading this that have your slut in a belt, it is that time of year to wax and shave him for the winter. I gave up on that a long time ago and had laser hair removal done on my slave, but it has to be done over many times and I don't know if it is ever 100% forever. But, I would say that he is at about 97% after probably 8-10 sessions over the years."
"I can tell you from experience that when a person is kept in a chastity belt and is not allowed any physical expression of their sexuality, not even verbal expression, they become very obsessed with the one that controls them. This is the state that I plan on keeping my husband in for a very long time. This is the power and the energy and the magic that is created in our marriage.
When my husband sits between my legs and licks me, he is worshiping at the temple of this power and I teach him to let my female sexuality flow through him. When I cum, I want him to feel my ecstasy in his body. I want him to feel as one with my sexuality for that moment."
"But, I do want to say that if you don't believe this, then wear a chastity belt month after month and when your Mistress walks into the room clad in leather wearing high boot with a whip in her hand, then try and tell me that you can't feel her sexuality and the power she has over you. Then try and tell me that you don't want to only please her and to feel her sexuality fill your body and mind completely. Then try and tell me that when you make her cum that you don't feel her ecstasy. Then, you will understand why my husband is obsessed with the unrestricted exploration of my sexuality while I deny him his."
"When I walk into the room I want them to feel my sexuality fill every inch of it. I want my partners to clear their minds of their sexual needs and desires and concentrate on my sexuality. I want them to meditate on my sexuality and bring it into their bodies and feel it with me.
Not only do I deny him his physical pleasure, I also deny the existence of his sexuality in our relationship. In our relationship there exists only one sexuality that we explore and that is mine. He is not allowed to have one. For example, if he says he is horny, I would say that is my arousal he is feeling and he needs to come over and caress me and make me come when he feels that way. He needs to use me to express his sexuality. I even want him to be able to feel it in him when I come.
(Emphasis mine. Her entire comment, and the back-and-forth, is worth reading. If nothing else, it's hot.)
Most people will consider One Sexuality rather extreme, but is it really that different from "MC" as practiced by members of the Key Held blogs? For a lot of us, MC is not part of a Femdom or FLR arrangement. MC is just that -- Male Chastity, meaning no masturbation, no orgasm, with sex centered around her pleasure and her orgasm. And this might go on for weeks or months, or maybe even a year and beyond. Sometimes there is tease & denial, but in some MC relationships there is no T&D, and this is where the line with One Sexuality starts to blur.
I personally find the One Sexuality notion kind of romantic. Is it workable long term? Does the mere act of entertaining such a relationship, thinking that it can go beyond fantasy, mean that I'm just a wanabe wanker who has no grasp of reality?
It totally sucks that I wasn't paying attention in late 2007/early 2008 when Strictly Female was up, so I didn't get to read any of the blog. (I was a sleep deprived new parent at the time.) I did though recently come across some snippets on Saratoga's blog, here and here and here and here and here.
I'm reproducing them here, because, well, I'm obsessed. Please read Saratoga's entries for his inline comments.
First some highlights:
"I want the relationship to be about my sexuality only. I want to, in fact, have only one sexuality exist in our marriage. A female sexuality. My sexuality is what the entire relationship is about. If a sexuality is going to be explored, it is mine. If a sexuality is going to be pleasured, it is mine. If he wants to express his sexual feelings and frustrations and fantasies then he has to do it by expressing them through my sexual explorations. His constant sexual frustration simply doesn’t exist in our relationship. The feelings of frustration and constant arousal certainly exist in his body behind his chastity belt, but I refuse to allow them any expression in our marriage."
"I want my husband to feel my sexuality in his body and mind. When he is playing with me I want him to feel my pleasure. When I cum, I want him to feel the energy of my orgasm in his body and soul. I want him to clear his sexuality from his mind so mine can flow in and fill his body and soul.
I want to create a relationship in which only a female sexuality exists. I want my husband to release his sexuality and let mine fill his body and soul. My sexuality IS his sexuality. His pleasure comes from pleasuring and worshiping my body."
"When my husband sits between my legs and licks me, he is worshiping at the temple of this power and I teach him to let my female sexuality flow through him. When I cum, I want him to feel my ecstasy in his body. I want him to feel as one with my sexuality for that moment."
Wow. Who cares if it was a real blog? She can really write.
And as found on Saratoga's blog:
"I met a submissive man when I was in my early thirties and we saw each other for a little over a year before we got married. But, before we were married I made legal arrangements to my advantage and had my husband sign marriage vows spelling out in an open ended but binding way what I expected in our marriage. I wrote the vows to express and define what I expected of my submissive husband and what he could expect from me, his dominant wife.
In his vows, I wrote that he would promise to worship, serve and obey his wife while being denied any sexuality of his own, until death do us part. I promised to be his wife for as long as he worshiped, served and obeyed me and vowed to explore my sexuality freely and without limit while denying his."
"It takes a lot of conditioning and discipline (read whip) to reach this state of one sexuality. It takes a long time for a man to stop thinking only about how horny he feels. It takes a long time for a man to learn how to project his frustration into his female partner's body. But, it does eventually happen, because the chastity belt is relentless."
"He also has a very unusual stainless steel plug up his ass and locked in right now. I'm told the new design which has a longer shaft before it tapers out is much more easily tolerated and can be worn for more extended periods. The training plugs I got from them are huge for even my standards and there isn't anything even remotely close to medium in the whole kit. I really am not sure I will be able to work my poor little slut up to the largest plug or not. It might take a lot of nights strapped into the fucking machine to get him loose enough for the largest plug. But, what the heck, I ruined his poor little sphincter years ago. He is as loose as a porno star now."
"I finished my drink while I checked out the men watching me. I really wasn't wearing anything too unusual. I had on a black short leather mini skirt and black stockings. High black boots and a open front white blouse with a high collar. My blouse came down almost to the bottom of my skirt. My hair was up and I was wearing and playing with my glasses. I wasn't wearing anything that bad, just a little strict looking, maybe.
There is a certain kind of man that is so into this look and I can often spot them in a group like this. I'm always kind of looking for new prospects and I often men come up and give me their cards. But, I'm looking for that somewhat shy professional that can't top staring at me and often I have to approach him. That's the type of business card that I hunt for. I give the cards to Susan and she starts the ball rolling. You would be surprised how many of these submissive professional types will follow through when Susan calls and explains what she would expect of them.
Seeing no one interesting enough to entangle, I called my husband's cell and told him I was out front and hung up. I met him at the front desk and gave him a package and told him to go to the men's room, put it on and return to me quickly with the key. I smiled, told him to meet me in the bar and I walked off.
When he came into the bar he saw I was sitting at the bar patting the seat of the bar stool next to me. I saved him a nice, hard, wood stool. Of course, the purpose of sitting at the bar is that it forces him to sit right over the plug on the hard wood stool. Also, he can't squirm and be too obvious in the crowded bar or he will draw attention to his predicament. He comes over and kisses me and settles gently onto the stool. I smile deviously at him knowing that the plug is firmly pushed all the way into him."
"Just got back from a long drive from Toronto. My husband has been staying there for the last 7 weeks while I was away for a while staying with friends down in the state.
The new belt has worked so well that I have been able to keep him from even seeing his penis for over 5 months. He says he is having some mental issues that are making him worry because he is feeling brainwashed and is worried because he hasn't seen himself for so long. He thinks he is feeling disoriented. I just laugh at him. What did he think I was all about all of those years. I just never found the right chastity belt to do completely for me what this new belt does. It makes his sex go away."
"The most cruel and devious thing I do to my husband is that I let Adonis fuck his ass while Susan and I go upstairs to unwind. I figure Adonis fucked me. I want my husband to be totally in sync with how I feel. He really does hate this because he is no queer and it really fucks with his head. But, that is one of the prices I exact from him when I think he needs it."
"So we drove to Toronto 7 weeks ago so they could take the rivets out. This is where they originally put this belt on him over the last summer. I told him we could go back to Toronto to have the belt removed. What I didn't tell him was that it was going to be removed because I wanted to see if they would try a new and better belt my friend told me they had designed. So, I left him up there with my friend at The House so he could be fitted. They had him for 7 weeks of pure hell. I also had some work done on his tattoo which runs under his crotch and up his back. Such a thing can ever be finished. And, while he was there they did another laser hair removal on him. For those of you reading this that have your slut in a belt, it is that time of year to wax and shave him for the winter. I gave up on that a long time ago and had laser hair removal done on my slave, but it has to be done over many times and I don't know if it is ever 100% forever. But, I would say that he is at about 97% after probably 8-10 sessions over the years."
"I can tell you from experience that when a person is kept in a chastity belt and is not allowed any physical expression of their sexuality, not even verbal expression, they become very obsessed with the one that controls them. This is the state that I plan on keeping my husband in for a very long time. This is the power and the energy and the magic that is created in our marriage.
When my husband sits between my legs and licks me, he is worshiping at the temple of this power and I teach him to let my female sexuality flow through him. When I cum, I want him to feel my ecstasy in his body. I want him to feel as one with my sexuality for that moment."
"But, I do want to say that if you don't believe this, then wear a chastity belt month after month and when your Mistress walks into the room clad in leather wearing high boot with a whip in her hand, then try and tell me that you can't feel her sexuality and the power she has over you. Then try and tell me that you don't want to only please her and to feel her sexuality fill your body and mind completely. Then try and tell me that when you make her cum that you don't feel her ecstasy. Then, you will understand why my husband is obsessed with the unrestricted exploration of my sexuality while I deny him his."
"When I walk into the room I want them to feel my sexuality fill every inch of it. I want my partners to clear their minds of their sexual needs and desires and concentrate on my sexuality. I want them to meditate on my sexuality and bring it into their bodies and feel it with me.
I want my husband to feel my sexuality in his body and mind. When he is playing with me I want him to feel my pleasure. When I cum, I want him to feel the energy of my orgasm in his body and soul. I want him to clear his sexuality from his mind so mine can flow in and fill his body and soul.
I want to create a relationship in which only a female sexuality exists. I want my husband to release his sexuality and let mine fill his body and soul. My sexuality IS his sexuality. His pleasure comes from pleasuring and worshiping my body.
Why not let go of your own sexuality and let the woman's sexuality fill your mind, body and soul. Serve her sexuality and let the ecstasy of female sexuality fill your body and mind."
"I simply don't want my husband masturbating behind my back in our marriage. Why is that such a big deal? Again, I would think that it was obvious for any relationship.
As far as denying him orgasms, since I don't allow him to masturbate in our marriage, then his orgasms have to happen when we are together, as it should be in any relationship. Except, unfortunately for him, I don't believe at all in allowing men to cum. I believe relationships are much better for a lot of reasons when the man is made to remain chaste and is not allowed to cum. I believe that chastity makes for a strong close relationship and I require it of my husband even when he has to be out of the belt."
"I love to give him inspiration to obey me by punishing him often. Sometime I get in the habit of punishing him every day. Soon as he walks through the door I'll have him strip and follow me. I'll strap him down and start spanking him with my strap. I lecture him on being a good slave and the importance of jumping when I demand something. I'll squeeze his balls while I lecture and a lot of the time I tie them up and stretch them out. I also love to slap them and make them sore.
And the last entry:
So sad.
"I love to give him inspiration to obey me by punishing him often. Sometime I get in the habit of punishing him every day. Soon as he walks through the door I'll have him strip and follow me. I'll strap him down and start spanking him with my strap. I lecture him on being a good slave and the importance of jumping when I demand something. I'll squeeze his balls while I lecture and a lot of the time I tie them up and stretch them out. I also love to slap them and make them sore.
My new favorite punishment is ball kicking. Kicking him in the balls has become a specialty of mine ever since I saw Isabella Sinclaire do it on a DVD. My husband hates this punishment worse than the strap. I hang him with his hands over his head and put a spreader bar between his legs. I stand in front of him in my high heels or boots and stare into his eyes. ....... It is fun to toy with him and ....... Then, snap... right between his legs I can plant the top of my foot, crushing into his balls. All the while I'm looking right in his eyes.
Then I want to hear my favorite words. Thank you. And then I make him use my second favorite word...please. As in please Mistress would you please kick me in the balls again. When I tire of this I make him beg me to strap him. When he can't take the strap blows anymore I make him beg me to stop. But, he knows that it will mean that I'm going to kick him in the balls for being such a weak slave and not being able to take more. This might even earn him the chance to beg for nipple clamps.
Hope this gives some key-holding Mistress an idea of what discipline means. Not a very fun scene even if you're into pain. It gets old pretty fast when your balls ache and your ass is being spanked with a strap. It does train a great slave for service though. It makes for a very obedient slave."
And the last entry:
"Because of the unwanted comments I am getting (I moderate them), I'm going to go to by invitation only. I actually can't believe some of the comments I have gotten by what should be open minded people who turn out to be the most sanctimonious and closed minded and judgmental of all. I have even read comments about this blog on other blogs! This blog was mostly done at the suggestion of a friend and was for several people that know me. So, I guess it will be kept that way.
Its just a chastity belt,
B"
So sad.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Keys held
It's taken months and months, but Lucy's finally taken the keys. The delay has been all mine; it's taken me since early August to work through all the comfort issues with having your genitals under lock and key. I had been steadily wearing the Steelheart for longer and longer periods, and while there's still occasional discomfort, I decided it was time to stop fooling around -- unless I no longer had the keys I was always going to take off the device any time it inconvenienced me.
We had discussed her taking the keys last Monday night, after I had spent most of the weekend locked up, except for a few hours Sunday afternoon when we went into Boston to see the lights. I checked where we kept the keys a few times on Tuesday and was starting to think that she had forgotten. I got butterflies when I discovered they were indeed gone. Chances are good she might keep them for awhile too as I've seem to have adjusted pretty well to the Steelheart.
It's been only four days, but as is usually the case, the reality of wearing a device 24/7 that you can't take off on a whim is quite different from the fantasy. Lucy asked me last night how it was going. I told her I wish I was only aware of the device when I was horny. She got a little laugh out of that.
We had discussed her taking the keys last Monday night, after I had spent most of the weekend locked up, except for a few hours Sunday afternoon when we went into Boston to see the lights. I checked where we kept the keys a few times on Tuesday and was starting to think that she had forgotten. I got butterflies when I discovered they were indeed gone. Chances are good she might keep them for awhile too as I've seem to have adjusted pretty well to the Steelheart.
It's been only four days, but as is usually the case, the reality of wearing a device 24/7 that you can't take off on a whim is quite different from the fantasy. Lucy asked me last night how it was going. I told her I wish I was only aware of the device when I was horny. She got a little laugh out of that.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
P8W
Who knew the ISO had a duration format?
import org.joda.time.DateMidnight;
import org.joda.time.Weeks;
public class DaysSinceRelease {
public static void main(String[] args) {
DateMidnight lastRelease = new DateMidnight(2010, 10, 17);
DateMidnight today = new DateMidnight();
Weeks weeks = Weeks.weeksBetween(lastRelease, today);
System.out.format("Weeks since last release: %s\n", weeks);
}
}
Weeks since last release: P8W
Monday, December 13, 2010
Recalibrating
"Why do I have to lock you up to get respect and love? Why do I have to change [and be kinky] for you to love me?"
Whenever we fight about my kinks, the above always comes up, year in and year out. It occurred to me this weekend though, that perhaps we finally have the tool to address this issue, and it's been staring me in the face: Maymay's relationship stack, which Thumper talked about here.
Our love for each other is rooted at the friend, lover, and spouse level. The chastity play comes from this love, and not the other way around. Viewed this way, keeping me locked up is akin to her giving me hand job, or a blow job, or any thing else she's ever done for me sexually. It's just another way to be intimate, and any other effect it has, like making me behave like a teenager experiencing his first love when I'm around her, is just a super-bonus.
I'm not sure she quite buys it, but it's a start. And it doesn't really change anything, as I'm still kinky and she's not, but I'm perfectly fine doing a little mental jujitsu to get to my happy place.
"You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. ... . After nine years, you know what I realize?
Ignorance is bliss."
Whenever we fight about my kinks, the above always comes up, year in and year out. It occurred to me this weekend though, that perhaps we finally have the tool to address this issue, and it's been staring me in the face: Maymay's relationship stack, which Thumper talked about here.
Our love for each other is rooted at the friend, lover, and spouse level. The chastity play comes from this love, and not the other way around. Viewed this way, keeping me locked up is akin to her giving me hand job, or a blow job, or any thing else she's ever done for me sexually. It's just another way to be intimate, and any other effect it has, like making me behave like a teenager experiencing his first love when I'm around her, is just a super-bonus.
I'm not sure she quite buys it, but it's a start. And it doesn't really change anything, as I'm still kinky and she's not, but I'm perfectly fine doing a little mental jujitsu to get to my happy place.
"You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. ... . After nine years, you know what I realize?
Ignorance is bliss."
Saturday, December 11, 2010
That went well
You could really see it coming, actually, looking at the last post. When I start focusing on what I want, things tend to fall apart. And it's not even about wanting sex, because she actually was in the mood. We were well on our way to another good Friday night, with a hot bath, massage, and who knows what else.
But I threw a wrench in it.
Every so often I get needy for her to accept me exactly as am, kink and all. Things have been going so well that I thought surely she had new perspective on our relationship, that she loves me not despite my kinkiness, but because of it. The realization that she probably never will sent me into a tailspin and left me a wreck in the bathroom, feeling a universe away from where she laid sleeping one wall over.
Due reasons that are not relevant here, we currently have no mirrors up, and it's a good thing, because I'm not sure I could stand looking at myself at the moment. Self pity is so fucking unbecoming.
It was only later that I realize it cuts both ways, like most things do: I love her despite the fact that she's not the least bit kinky. Fuck it.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Instant Gratification
I'm having this ridiculous urge to turn the keys over to Lucy, even though I just switched to the tighter 42mm ring yesterday morning. I want her to take the keys and tell me to suck it up, and not let me out unless I'm raw and bleeding. I want to be out of mind with desperation at having my cock locked up and inaccessible.
Of course, the reality is that I can trivially pull out and jerk off anytime I want, so the Steelheart is largely symbolic. Yes, I understand that on some level, any chastity device is largely symbolic, but let's not go there. A foolproof way to prevent pull-out is good enough for me, and that means a piercing, which I don't have. And even if I could get a piercing, there's still the wait while it heals.
Patience, patience, patience. This whole thing is about patience. Waiting for your wife to see the benefit of keeping you chaste. Waiting for her to come around to the device. Waiting for the next time you can lick her pussy. Waiting for her to change her mind and let you worship her asshole. No more patience! Instant gratification dammit! Instant nasty gratification.
Normally, at this point, I'd just go beat off. I really hope she's in the mood tonight...
Of course, the reality is that I can trivially pull out and jerk off anytime I want, so the Steelheart is largely symbolic. Yes, I understand that on some level, any chastity device is largely symbolic, but let's not go there. A foolproof way to prevent pull-out is good enough for me, and that means a piercing, which I don't have. And even if I could get a piercing, there's still the wait while it heals.
Patience, patience, patience. This whole thing is about patience. Waiting for your wife to see the benefit of keeping you chaste. Waiting for her to come around to the device. Waiting for the next time you can lick her pussy. Waiting for her to change her mind and let you worship her asshole. No more patience! Instant gratification dammit! Instant nasty gratification.
Normally, at this point, I'd just go beat off. I really hope she's in the mood tonight...
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
It's so so good
"Can I get you off tonight?"
She looked particularly hot in her bathrobe and just-prescribed reading glasses. Not only hot, but radiant, and happy. And reading glasses are just so new and sexy on her. We just had a great weekend hosting friends we hadn't seen in years. I have to say I was the model husband, taking care of the cooking, and even looking after the kids so she could go out to dinner and catch up with her girlfriend. It was something any good husband would do for his wife. Still, these were points, and I wanted to cash in, even though I just had some (or rather, she just had some) Friday night to start the weekend.
"Sure."
Damn, but it never hurts to ask! This is why chastity works for us: I feel good, she feels good, we're both happy, and she wants it.
So I quickly turned off the TV (Jets/Patriots or pussy worship... no contest) and followed her upstairs, cock already straining against the Steelheart. I stripped and saw she noticed the SH, but she didn't say anything. I don't think the SH does anything for her, but if it makes me happy and she gets an ultra attentive husband out of it, then she's more than willing to go along.
I was all over her, but it was clear she didn't want a lot of foreplay. That's the other new development: wham-bam-thank-you-sir seems to be how she likes it now. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't know what to do with me without a cock or because we're constantly necking and groping now throughout the day, or because on top of all that touching we have frequent pure body worship sessions where her pussy is off limits and it's all foreplay. Or because she really seems to have taken to heart that I get my pleasure from giving her pleasure. Probably a combination of all of the above. She might be taking that last bit a little too far though, as the physical sex has been completely one way. Just a little teeny weensy bit of stimulation would be welcomed. But this is definitely a want, not a need, and I'm not going to try and change the rules now. Besides, she likes this dynamic, and that is just so hot.
But when she rushes things, I get a little insecure.
"You're not just letting me get you off for my benefit, are you?"
"Just shut the fuck up and get to it."
Ok, she didn't say exactly that, as she's much too nice, but that was definitely the sentiment.
So I get on my knees on the floor, my mouth at the level of her pussy as she stretches back on the bed, hands clasped behind her neck, thighs spread wide, wantonly naked and exposed, letting me drink her in. I can usually bring her to orgasm pretty quickly, but tonight, she takes forever. She never stops moaning her pleasure though, so I keep going. I can never get enough of her pussy. I love the way she tastes, I love the way she smells, I love the way her hips buckle as she grinds her way into my mouth. It goes on long enough that the SH gets seriously painful. Erections in the SH are uncomfortable, hour-long hard-as-rock erections are excruciating.
I keep my mouth on her pussy and work her clit hard with my tongue and bring her to a huge orgasm. Afterward, I spoon her and rub her back as she drifts off to sleep, my metal confined cock aching to feel the warmth of her pussy, inches away.
I haven't come since October 17th. We had agreed I wouldn't come again until January 1st, and maybe not even then. But at that instant I truthfully wanted to stretch out the moment forever.
She looked particularly hot in her bathrobe and just-prescribed reading glasses. Not only hot, but radiant, and happy. And reading glasses are just so new and sexy on her. We just had a great weekend hosting friends we hadn't seen in years. I have to say I was the model husband, taking care of the cooking, and even looking after the kids so she could go out to dinner and catch up with her girlfriend. It was something any good husband would do for his wife. Still, these were points, and I wanted to cash in, even though I just had some (or rather, she just had some) Friday night to start the weekend.
"Sure."
Damn, but it never hurts to ask! This is why chastity works for us: I feel good, she feels good, we're both happy, and she wants it.
So I quickly turned off the TV (Jets/Patriots or pussy worship... no contest) and followed her upstairs, cock already straining against the Steelheart. I stripped and saw she noticed the SH, but she didn't say anything. I don't think the SH does anything for her, but if it makes me happy and she gets an ultra attentive husband out of it, then she's more than willing to go along.
I was all over her, but it was clear she didn't want a lot of foreplay. That's the other new development: wham-bam-thank-you-sir seems to be how she likes it now. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't know what to do with me without a cock or because we're constantly necking and groping now throughout the day, or because on top of all that touching we have frequent pure body worship sessions where her pussy is off limits and it's all foreplay. Or because she really seems to have taken to heart that I get my pleasure from giving her pleasure. Probably a combination of all of the above. She might be taking that last bit a little too far though, as the physical sex has been completely one way. Just a little teeny weensy bit of stimulation would be welcomed. But this is definitely a want, not a need, and I'm not going to try and change the rules now. Besides, she likes this dynamic, and that is just so hot.
But when she rushes things, I get a little insecure.
"You're not just letting me get you off for my benefit, are you?"
"Just shut the fuck up and get to it."
Ok, she didn't say exactly that, as she's much too nice, but that was definitely the sentiment.
So I get on my knees on the floor, my mouth at the level of her pussy as she stretches back on the bed, hands clasped behind her neck, thighs spread wide, wantonly naked and exposed, letting me drink her in. I can usually bring her to orgasm pretty quickly, but tonight, she takes forever. She never stops moaning her pleasure though, so I keep going. I can never get enough of her pussy. I love the way she tastes, I love the way she smells, I love the way her hips buckle as she grinds her way into my mouth. It goes on long enough that the SH gets seriously painful. Erections in the SH are uncomfortable, hour-long hard-as-rock erections are excruciating.
I keep my mouth on her pussy and work her clit hard with my tongue and bring her to a huge orgasm. Afterward, I spoon her and rub her back as she drifts off to sleep, my metal confined cock aching to feel the warmth of her pussy, inches away.
I haven't come since October 17th. We had agreed I wouldn't come again until January 1st, and maybe not even then. But at that instant I truthfully wanted to stretch out the moment forever.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
As if it's real
I once had a beautiful girl who wanted to beat me. I remember one afternoon when we were just lounging around the house when she out of the blue said, "Let me beat you, I really want to beat you." I turned her down. Can you imagine that? Didn't she know there were protocols to follow, and that you can't just grab somebody while they're in the middle of a book and just beat them? She also liked to locked me up in a dog crate that we had. But that didn't work for me because she giggled through the whole thing. Dommes don't giggle. God I was such a shit. Kink didn't come naturally to her, but she tried, because she loved me. I on the other hand couldn't stand being patronized, I wasn't some sort of charity case. Because she wanted to accommodate my kink out of love, it wasn't real, and I would have none of it.
Years later and I am married to that beautiful girl. She still does a lot of things for me out of nothing more than love. Nothing more than love. I finally appreciate that beautiful girl and regret almost chasing her away, and I'm glad she's back to give me another chance.
Years later and I am married to that beautiful girl. She still does a lot of things for me out of nothing more than love. Nothing more than love. I finally appreciate that beautiful girl and regret almost chasing her away, and I'm glad she's back to give me another chance.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Up and down
My Steelheart arrived last week and it's just the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I love the way it feels on my body, I love heft, the grip, the solid chunk of metal between my legs. And I love it that it's there all the time. Shiny!
My wife Lucy, however, didn't do any back flips over the device. It didn't even seem to rate a golf clap. This is someone whom I think of as my other half, and she just had an experience so different from mine about something that is so important to me. Well, it sent me into a funk. Couple this with a two week dry spell in our sex life that I thought was just so typical of her priorities -- when things get a little stressed with family life or with work, sex is the first thing that goes. She doesn't seem find solace in sex, and this is something that I find hard to understand. When the world closes in, why doesn't she find comfort in the intense intimacy that comes from being naked, wrapped around one another, skin-on-skin?
With chastity though, if you honor the idea that she has control over your sex life, it makes you talk, as there's no "fuck it, I don't need her." And that's what we did, talk, and even though voices were raised and I got a little hysterical at times, it was a talk, not a fight. And the next morning we both felt much better. We didn't really resolve anything, but having brought our differences into sharp relief (once again), we can see around the differences for the person we love. She woke me up by gently touching and squeezing my hand. We kissed deeply, connected, and I was back in the zone.
My wife Lucy, however, didn't do any back flips over the device. It didn't even seem to rate a golf clap. This is someone whom I think of as my other half, and she just had an experience so different from mine about something that is so important to me. Well, it sent me into a funk. Couple this with a two week dry spell in our sex life that I thought was just so typical of her priorities -- when things get a little stressed with family life or with work, sex is the first thing that goes. She doesn't seem find solace in sex, and this is something that I find hard to understand. When the world closes in, why doesn't she find comfort in the intense intimacy that comes from being naked, wrapped around one another, skin-on-skin?
With chastity though, if you honor the idea that she has control over your sex life, it makes you talk, as there's no "fuck it, I don't need her." And that's what we did, talk, and even though voices were raised and I got a little hysterical at times, it was a talk, not a fight. And the next morning we both felt much better. We didn't really resolve anything, but having brought our differences into sharp relief (once again), we can see around the differences for the person we love. She woke me up by gently touching and squeezing my hand. We kissed deeply, connected, and I was back in the zone.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The story continues
I've been thinking about what happened last night with Lucy's non-reaction to this blog.
First off: what was I thinking? I had just finished a 16 hour day and I was exhausted. She had the kids all day and she was exhausted. We were mindlessly watching a crappy game and I should just have left it at that. The timing was just stupid.
Secondly: I can take being slapped down, but the indifference really bothered me. In our relationship, I'm the emotional one, with my heart on my sleeves, and she's the stoic. When we fight, I'm the one screaming, "Say something! Anything!" and she's the one who walks off. So I get defensive whenever I think she's retreated behind her wall. But in this case, I had mistaken exhaustion for indifference. How do I know this? Because I asked her tonight, when we were both slightly more rested, and she was relaxing out naked after a hot bath, and I was idly applying moisturizer to her oh-so-luscious curves.
"So how come you stopped reading after that [entry]?"
"I thought that was it, there's more?"
Now, I do post rather infrequently, but that did make me feel like an idiot.
"It's not that I don't like your blog, but I don't follow blogs, period."
And she's right. She doesn't follow any parenting blogs, or cooking blogs, or photo blogs, so why would it be any different with a chastity blog?
"It's not just any blog though," I say. "It's another channel of communication for us."
"I can see that. Tomorrow, I'll read the rest, OK?"
Okie-dokey.
First off: what was I thinking? I had just finished a 16 hour day and I was exhausted. She had the kids all day and she was exhausted. We were mindlessly watching a crappy game and I should just have left it at that. The timing was just stupid.
Secondly: I can take being slapped down, but the indifference really bothered me. In our relationship, I'm the emotional one, with my heart on my sleeves, and she's the stoic. When we fight, I'm the one screaming, "Say something! Anything!" and she's the one who walks off. So I get defensive whenever I think she's retreated behind her wall. But in this case, I had mistaken exhaustion for indifference. How do I know this? Because I asked her tonight, when we were both slightly more rested, and she was relaxing out naked after a hot bath, and I was idly applying moisturizer to her oh-so-luscious curves.
"So how come you stopped reading after that [entry]?"
"I thought that was it, there's more?"
Now, I do post rather infrequently, but that did make me feel like an idiot.
"It's not that I don't like your blog, but I don't follow blogs, period."
And she's right. She doesn't follow any parenting blogs, or cooking blogs, or photo blogs, so why would it be any different with a chastity blog?
"It's not just any blog though," I say. "It's another channel of communication for us."
"I can see that. Tomorrow, I'll read the rest, OK?"
Okie-dokey.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I love Lucy
But she apparently doesn't much care about the blog. I've never kept the blog a secret from my wife Lucy, but she's never once asked to read it. I finally asked her outright if she wanted to read it and she said yes. So tonight, during a rather one-sided Redskin/Phillies game, I turned on private browsing and pointed her browser at the blog. She got as far as "Pretty Nice Night" but wasn't inclined to read any further. She wasn't inclined to discuss it either. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Granted, it's hardly above mindless navel gazing, but I figure if there's one person who cares about what I write here, it would be my wife. I guess I was hoping for some recognition that the blog reflected some truths about our relationship, but I think it just made her uncomfortable. Is this just me pushing again? Trying for the millionth time to top from the bottom?
Steelheart imminent
As I mentioned over on Chastity Forums, I have a Steelworxx Steelheart coming!
I agonized over the total length, but after going back and forth with Steelworxx, I settled on 85mm, which will be a little longer than the troublesome CB-6000s that I currently wear on and off. What finally convinced me to go shorter rather than longer was Dev's observation that you're flaccid most of the time, so why optimize for comfort when erect? It made sense, but it contradicted with Thumper's sizing of his own Steelheart (though I know he's currently thinking of a smaller tube -- the question is how much smaller) so I was/am a tad worry.
In the end I went for 85mm total length, 35mm tube diameter, both a 42 and 45mm A ring, the comfort ring on the tube, the integrated lock ... and the PA fixing. I considered the 40mm ring, but it just looked too damn small. Seeing as how I'm currently bouncing between 1 3/4" and 1 7/8" with the CB-6000s, 42mm seemed much more likely.
I'm crossing my fingers that metal will be much more comfortable. And I'm totally jumping the gun on the PA fixing, seeing that I don't have a PA yet. But now I have to get one. I keep putting it off for some stupid reason.
I agonized over the total length, but after going back and forth with Steelworxx, I settled on 85mm, which will be a little longer than the troublesome CB-6000s that I currently wear on and off. What finally convinced me to go shorter rather than longer was Dev's observation that you're flaccid most of the time, so why optimize for comfort when erect? It made sense, but it contradicted with Thumper's sizing of his own Steelheart (though I know he's currently thinking of a smaller tube -- the question is how much smaller) so I was/am a tad worry.
In the end I went for 85mm total length, 35mm tube diameter, both a 42 and 45mm A ring, the comfort ring on the tube, the integrated lock ... and the PA fixing. I considered the 40mm ring, but it just looked too damn small. Seeing as how I'm currently bouncing between 1 3/4" and 1 7/8" with the CB-6000s, 42mm seemed much more likely.
I'm crossing my fingers that metal will be much more comfortable. And I'm totally jumping the gun on the PA fixing, seeing that I don't have a PA yet. But now I have to get one. I keep putting it off for some stupid reason.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Make-up sex
The week didn't start all that well. I hadn't orgasm in about two weeks, she had set expectations for sex that didn't materialize, I slipped into an old pattern of anger and resentment, she got defensive, and it blew up from there.
Me: "You always ignore me. Sex is at the bottom of your priority list."
Her: "We do fine for awhile and you go back to pressuring me. You're basically accusing me of being frigid."
I woke up the next morning realizing what a dick I had been. We talked. I apologized. She was doing exactly what we had agree to, putting her needs before mine, and I couldn't handle it. We had been intimate for several nights prior, with me massaging and caressing her body, but no oral sex -- she thought she was providing exactly what I needed, and she was right. The whole "please me" thing wasn't really working for her -- it was another one of my ideas that she felt she had to live up to.
The talk put us back on track and that night, after a hot bath, and a head-to-toe massage, I nuzzled her neck and asked her if she wanted to come. As an answer, she drew up her knees and spread her legs open, guiding my mouth to where she wanted it, and where I desperately wanted to be.
Two nights later, we did it again, and tonight we did it a third time. Evidently male chastity leads to week-long make-up sex. Right now, I couldn't care less if I never came again.
Me: "You always ignore me. Sex is at the bottom of your priority list."
Her: "We do fine for awhile and you go back to pressuring me. You're basically accusing me of being frigid."
I woke up the next morning realizing what a dick I had been. We talked. I apologized. She was doing exactly what we had agree to, putting her needs before mine, and I couldn't handle it. We had been intimate for several nights prior, with me massaging and caressing her body, but no oral sex -- she thought she was providing exactly what I needed, and she was right. The whole "please me" thing wasn't really working for her -- it was another one of my ideas that she felt she had to live up to.
The talk put us back on track and that night, after a hot bath, and a head-to-toe massage, I nuzzled her neck and asked her if she wanted to come. As an answer, she drew up her knees and spread her legs open, guiding my mouth to where she wanted it, and where I desperately wanted to be.
Two nights later, we did it again, and tonight we did it a third time. Evidently male chastity leads to week-long make-up sex. Right now, I couldn't care less if I never came again.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Pleasure me
My wife has really been enjoying her new bath tub. She had a long soak tonight while watching Weeds and The Big C. Yes, I did run her bath, set up her laptop for Slingbox streaming, and fetched her a glass of wine. Afterward, she laid on the bed naked, blissfully content, while I lotioned her front and back and massaged her feet. When I finished I had a huge wet spot on my boxers. I really wanted to go down on her but had to settle just for a few kisses on her pussy lips.
We've been having a lot of these sessions -- Saturday, Sunday, Monday and tonight by last count. Sometimes they end with my head between her thighs driving her to orgasm and sometimes it's all about the touching, like tonight. This frequency of intimacy was rare as recently as two months ago. We're definitely getting our groove back.
I've always felt a little awkward asking to give oral sex though, so we talked a little bit about this. She was actually OK with me asking, as long I stopped pressing when she said no -- no meant no. But from now on, at my suggestion, we're going to try something that could be really hot: I'm not to ask at all. If she wants oral sex, she's going to say "pleasure me."
We've been having a lot of these sessions -- Saturday, Sunday, Monday and tonight by last count. Sometimes they end with my head between her thighs driving her to orgasm and sometimes it's all about the touching, like tonight. This frequency of intimacy was rare as recently as two months ago. We're definitely getting our groove back.
I've always felt a little awkward asking to give oral sex though, so we talked a little bit about this. She was actually OK with me asking, as long I stopped pressing when she said no -- no meant no. But from now on, at my suggestion, we're going to try something that could be really hot: I'm not to ask at all. If she wants oral sex, she's going to say "pleasure me."
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Mad at cookies
Little butter cookies with orange icing on top. I was raging earlier tonight because after we put the kids in bed, my wife spent the rest of the evening baking cookies for my son's preschool Halloween party. I know how draining it is to take care of kids all day, and I try and go out of my way to giver her time to relax, and what does she do? She volunteers to bake cookies. And I had been hoping for a romp in the hay, as it's been a while due to various real life stuff, including her time of the month.
But a funny thing happened. Even though I was a little peeved, I still wanted her badly. I gave her a hug, kissed her neck, she responded, we made out briefly in the kitchen and all was right. We even talked a little, and I understood a little that she wanted to bake cookies.
And tonight, as she was about to go to bed, she came downstairs to check to see if I was locked. I wasn't, because contrary to my last post, I'm still having device issues. The honor system SUCKS.
We made out a little bit more.
"I hope this chastity thing works out."
"Me too."
"I can be kinky and happy, and you can be... happy."
We even shared a cookie; one less for the little beasts.
But a funny thing happened. Even though I was a little peeved, I still wanted her badly. I gave her a hug, kissed her neck, she responded, we made out briefly in the kitchen and all was right. We even talked a little, and I understood a little that she wanted to bake cookies.
And tonight, as she was about to go to bed, she came downstairs to check to see if I was locked. I wasn't, because contrary to my last post, I'm still having device issues. The honor system SUCKS.
We made out a little bit more.
"I hope this chastity thing works out."
"Me too."
"I can be kinky and happy, and you can be... happy."
We even shared a cookie; one less for the little beasts.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tenative lift off
After 10+ frustrating and occasionally painful weeks I seem to have finally turned the corner, and I'm on my way to beating the CB into submission. More likely, it's the other way around and my body is finally starting to adapt, but I can repeatedly wear the device for 48 hours without any sores or nasty welts appearing. I can't say there's been a magic bullet, except perhaps avoiding Cyclopentasiloxane (I've settled on plain old baby oil, used sparingly). I've done things like sanding down the square edges of the A-ring, and I'm sure that helped, but I think it mostly comes down to persistence: you just have to wear it as much as you can.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Pretty Nice Night
"Pretty nice night." That's the last thing she whispered as she drifted off to sleep.
Earlier in the day I had texted her, "I need to give you a full body massage and maybe more tonight. What do you want for dinner?" To which she replied, "Sounds very nice - or naughty. Surprise me with dinner :)"
It had been raining all day: stew weather. So I browned some beef, threw in some potatoes, onions and peas, plus a bottle of Vermont Long Trail Ale. A loaf of bread and a decent Shiraz rounded out the meal. And I had it all waiting for her when she got home. The kids almost blew it though, refusing to eat the stew (ok, maybe that beer wasn't such a good idea), making for a very stressful dinner. By the time we packed them off to bed we were both wiped and I was sure she just wanted to sleep, but she remembered the massage offer!
I started with her neck, worked my way down her back, lingering at her gorgeous ass, before moving on to her feet, all the while whispering into her ears my love for her. I had her turn over and then worked my way back up, caressing her legs, her tummy, her breasts and finished it off with a face and scalp massage. God, I love the way her skin feels under my hand. I love her little purrs of satisfaction as I gently kissed her back. And one point I was straddling her stomach, both hands stroking her breasts, gazing at her nakedness, and it struck me how completely at ease we were with each other, that divine intimacy.
By the time I was done, I wasn't sure she wanted the "maybe more" as she seemed pretty blissed out. But my hornyness got the best of me and I wheedled the chance to lick her pussy while she drifted off to sleep. I promised I would go really slow and gentle. This is something that I've always wanted to do, but she's always said no until now. As usual, the reality doesn't match up with the fantasy. Just how does a woman recline in bed so that she can sleep while at the same time position her pussy for licking? Having her bum on a pillow will put the objective in reach, but having your bum above the level of your head is hardly good for sleep.
Anyway, after some awkward fumbling around not being able to see a thing, I was about to give up, when out of the blue she said, "I'm getting turned on." Hit me with a knotted whip, I had read her fidgeting all wrong! So I rearranged myself between her legs and dove back in. I held the entire length of my tongue against her pussy, going much slower than I usually do. I did everything at a much gentler pace, as if I was really trying to put her to sleep. It drove her wild, and after much nibbling, and blowing, and probing, she was bucking her hips against my mouth, driving her pussy into my face, her love juices dripping. I felt her steadily tense up, the rhythm of her hips steadily increasing as she went over the top. It was an amazing orgasm, long, and deep, and satisfying. After that she rolled over and drifted off to sleep, leaving me also strangely satisfied even though all I did all night was leak a copious amount of pre-cum.
Pretty nice night...
Earlier in the day I had texted her, "I need to give you a full body massage and maybe more tonight. What do you want for dinner?" To which she replied, "Sounds very nice - or naughty. Surprise me with dinner :)"
It had been raining all day: stew weather. So I browned some beef, threw in some potatoes, onions and peas, plus a bottle of Vermont Long Trail Ale. A loaf of bread and a decent Shiraz rounded out the meal. And I had it all waiting for her when she got home. The kids almost blew it though, refusing to eat the stew (ok, maybe that beer wasn't such a good idea), making for a very stressful dinner. By the time we packed them off to bed we were both wiped and I was sure she just wanted to sleep, but she remembered the massage offer!
I started with her neck, worked my way down her back, lingering at her gorgeous ass, before moving on to her feet, all the while whispering into her ears my love for her. I had her turn over and then worked my way back up, caressing her legs, her tummy, her breasts and finished it off with a face and scalp massage. God, I love the way her skin feels under my hand. I love her little purrs of satisfaction as I gently kissed her back. And one point I was straddling her stomach, both hands stroking her breasts, gazing at her nakedness, and it struck me how completely at ease we were with each other, that divine intimacy.
By the time I was done, I wasn't sure she wanted the "maybe more" as she seemed pretty blissed out. But my hornyness got the best of me and I wheedled the chance to lick her pussy while she drifted off to sleep. I promised I would go really slow and gentle. This is something that I've always wanted to do, but she's always said no until now. As usual, the reality doesn't match up with the fantasy. Just how does a woman recline in bed so that she can sleep while at the same time position her pussy for licking? Having her bum on a pillow will put the objective in reach, but having your bum above the level of your head is hardly good for sleep.
Anyway, after some awkward fumbling around not being able to see a thing, I was about to give up, when out of the blue she said, "I'm getting turned on." Hit me with a knotted whip, I had read her fidgeting all wrong! So I rearranged myself between her legs and dove back in. I held the entire length of my tongue against her pussy, going much slower than I usually do. I did everything at a much gentler pace, as if I was really trying to put her to sleep. It drove her wild, and after much nibbling, and blowing, and probing, she was bucking her hips against my mouth, driving her pussy into my face, her love juices dripping. I felt her steadily tense up, the rhythm of her hips steadily increasing as she went over the top. It was an amazing orgasm, long, and deep, and satisfying. After that she rolled over and drifted off to sleep, leaving me also strangely satisfied even though all I did all night was leak a copious amount of pre-cum.
Pretty nice night...
Sunday, October 3, 2010
A good day
No, I didn't make it. Last Sunday we made love and then I wormed my way into a hand-job. After 16 days without an orgasm, you'd think it would have been mind blowing. But it wasn't. Not sure why. I came a lot, but I've had much stronger orgasms. Just to see, I wanked the next day, and sure enough, it was great. And the next day, and the next day, and ... well, you get the idea.
Masturbation felt great, but it made me a bitch to be around, and not the good kind of bitch either. So I stopped a few days ago (with no help from the fucking sore-inducing device, I might add).
This morning we snuck away for a bit of intimacy, and it was fabulous. Lots of necking, hugging, back rubs, ending with me happily licking her to an orgasm.
Masturbation felt great, but it made me a bitch to be around, and not the good kind of bitch either. So I stopped a few days ago (with no help from the fucking sore-inducing device, I might add).
This morning we snuck away for a bit of intimacy, and it was fabulous. Lots of necking, hugging, back rubs, ending with me happily licking her to an orgasm.
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