Keys held

It's taken months and months, but Lucy's finally taken the keys. The delay has been all mine; it's taken me since early August to work through all the comfort issues with having your genitals under lock and key. I had been steadily wearing the Steelheart for longer and longer periods, and while there's still occasional discomfort, I decided it was time to stop fooling around -- unless I no longer had the keys I was always going to take off the device any time it inconvenienced me.

We had discussed her taking the keys last Monday night, after I had spent most of the weekend locked up, except for a few hours Sunday afternoon when we went into Boston to see the lights. I checked where we kept the keys a few times on Tuesday and was starting to think that she had forgotten. I got butterflies when I discovered they were indeed gone. Chances are good she might keep them for awhile too as I've seem to have adjusted pretty well to the Steelheart.

It's been only four days, but as is usually the case, the reality of wearing a device 24/7 that you can't take off on a whim is quite different from the fantasy. Lucy asked me last night how it was going. I told her I wish I was only aware of the device when I was horny. She got a little laugh out of that.

P8W

Who knew the ISO had a duration format?

import org.joda.time.DateMidnight;
import org.joda.time.Weeks;
public class DaysSinceRelease {
    public static void main(String[] args) {
        DateMidnight lastRelease = new DateMidnight(2010, 10, 17);
        DateMidnight today = new DateMidnight();
        Weeks weeks = Weeks.weeksBetween(lastRelease, today);
        System.out.format("Weeks since last release: %s\n", weeks);
    }
}

Weeks since last release: P8W

Recalibrating

"Why do I have to lock you up to get respect and love? Why do I have to change [and be kinky] for you to love me?"

Whenever we fight about my kinks, the above always comes up, year in and year out. It occurred to me this weekend though, that perhaps we finally have the tool to address this issue, and it's been staring me in the face: Maymay's relationship stack, which Thumper talked about here.

Our love for each other is rooted at the friend, lover, and spouse level. The chastity play comes from this love, and not the other way around. Viewed this way, keeping me locked up is akin to her giving me hand job, or a blow job, or any thing else she's ever done for me sexually. It's just another way to be intimate, and any other effect it has, like making me behave like a teenager experiencing his first love when I'm around her, is just a super-bonus.

I'm not sure she quite buys it, but it's a start. And it doesn't really change anything, as I'm still kinky and she's not, but I'm perfectly fine doing a little mental jujitsu to get to my happy place.

"You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. ... . After nine years, you know what I realize?

Ignorance is bliss."

That went well

You could really see it coming, actually, looking at the last post. When I start focusing on what I want, things tend to fall apart. And it's not even about wanting sex, because she actually was in the mood. We were well on our way to another good Friday night, with a hot bath, massage, and who knows what else. 

But I threw a wrench in it. 

Every so often I get needy for her to accept me exactly as am, kink and all. Things have been going so well that I thought surely she had new perspective on our relationship, that she loves me not despite my kinkiness, but because of it. The realization that she probably never will sent me into a tailspin and left me a wreck in the bathroom, feeling a universe away from where she laid sleeping one wall over.

Due reasons that are not relevant here, we currently have no mirrors up, and it's a good thing, because I'm not sure I could stand looking at myself at the moment. Self pity is so fucking unbecoming. 

It was only later that I realize it cuts both ways, like most things do: I love her despite the fact that she's not the least bit kinky. Fuck it.

Instant Gratification

I'm having this ridiculous urge to turn the keys over to Lucy, even though I just switched to the tighter 42mm ring yesterday morning.  I want her to take the keys and tell me to suck it up, and not let me out unless I'm raw and bleeding. I want to be out of mind with desperation at having my cock locked up and inaccessible.

Of course, the reality is that I can trivially pull out and jerk off anytime I want, so the Steelheart is largely symbolic. Yes, I understand that on some level, any chastity device is largely symbolic, but let's not go there. A foolproof way to prevent pull-out is good enough for me, and that means a piercing, which I don't have. And even if I could get a piercing, there's still the wait while it heals.

Patience, patience, patience. This whole thing is about patience. Waiting for your wife to see the benefit of keeping you chaste. Waiting for her to come around to the device. Waiting for the next time you can lick her pussy. Waiting for her to change her mind and let you worship her asshole. No more patience! Instant gratification dammit! Instant nasty gratification.

Normally, at this point, I'd just go beat off. I really hope she's in the mood tonight...

It's so so good

"Can I get you off tonight?"

She looked particularly hot in her bathrobe and just-prescribed reading glasses. Not only hot, but radiant, and happy. And reading glasses are just so new and sexy on her. We just had a great weekend hosting friends we hadn't seen in years. I have to say I was the model husband, taking care of the cooking, and even looking after the kids so she could go out to dinner and catch up with her girlfriend. It was something any good husband would do for his wife. Still, these were points, and I wanted to cash in, even though I just had some (or rather, she just had some) Friday night to start the weekend.

"Sure."

Damn, but it never hurts to ask! This is why chastity works for us: I feel good, she feels good, we're both happy, and she wants it.

So I quickly turned off the TV (Jets/Patriots or pussy worship... no contest) and followed her upstairs, cock already straining against the Steelheart. I stripped and saw she noticed the SH, but she didn't say anything. I don't think the SH does anything for her, but if it makes me happy and she gets an ultra attentive husband out of it, then she's more than willing to go along.

I was all over her, but it was clear she didn't want a lot of foreplay. That's the other new development: wham-bam-thank-you-sir seems to be how she likes it now. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't know what to do with me without a cock or because we're constantly necking and groping now throughout the day, or because on top of all that touching we have frequent pure body worship sessions where her pussy is off limits and it's all foreplay. Or because she really seems to have taken to heart that I get my pleasure from giving her pleasure. Probably a combination of all of the above. She might be taking that last bit a little too far though, as the physical sex has been completely one way. Just a little teeny weensy bit of stimulation would be welcomed. But this is definitely a want, not a need, and I'm not going to try and change the rules now. Besides, she likes this dynamic, and that is just so hot.

But when she rushes things, I get a little insecure.

"You're not just letting me get you off for my benefit, are you?"

"Just shut the fuck up and get to it."

Ok, she didn't say exactly that, as she's much too nice, but that was definitely the sentiment.

So I get on my knees on the floor, my mouth at the level of her pussy as she stretches back on the bed, hands clasped behind her neck, thighs spread wide, wantonly naked and exposed, letting me drink her in. I can usually bring her to orgasm pretty quickly, but tonight, she takes forever. She never stops moaning her pleasure though, so I keep going. I can never get enough of her pussy. I love the way she tastes, I love the way she smells, I love the way her hips buckle as she grinds her way into my mouth. It goes on long enough that the SH gets seriously painful. Erections in the SH are uncomfortable, hour-long hard-as-rock erections are excruciating.

I keep my mouth on her pussy and work her clit hard with my tongue and bring her to a huge orgasm. Afterward, I spoon her and rub her back as she drifts off to sleep, my metal confined cock aching to feel the warmth of her pussy, inches away.

I haven't come since October 17th. We had agreed I wouldn't come again until January 1st, and maybe not even then. But at that instant I truthfully wanted to stretch out the moment forever.

As if it's real

I once had a beautiful girl who wanted to beat me. I remember one afternoon when we were just lounging around the house when she out of the blue said, "Let me beat you, I really want to beat you." I turned her down. Can you imagine that? Didn't she know there were protocols to follow, and that you can't just grab somebody while they're in the middle of a book and just beat them?  She also liked to locked me up in a dog crate that we had. But that didn't work for me because she giggled through the whole thing. Dommes don't giggle. God I was such a shit. Kink didn't come naturally to her, but she tried, because she loved me. I on the other hand couldn't stand being patronized, I wasn't some sort of charity case. Because she wanted to accommodate my kink out of love, it wasn't real, and I would have none of it.

Years later and I am married to that beautiful girl. She still does a lot of things for me out of nothing more than love. Nothing more than love. I finally appreciate that beautiful girl and regret almost chasing her away, and I'm glad she's back to give me another chance.