Sunday, November 28, 2010

Up and down

My Steelheart arrived last week and it's just the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I love the way it feels on my body, I love heft, the grip, the solid chunk of metal between my legs. And I love it that it's there all the time. Shiny!

My wife Lucy, however, didn't do any back flips over the device. It didn't even seem to rate a golf clap. This is someone whom I think of as my other half, and she just had an experience so different from mine about something that is so important to me. Well, it sent me into a funk. Couple this with a two week dry spell in our sex life that I thought was just so typical of her priorities -- when things get a little stressed with family life or with work, sex is the first thing that goes. She doesn't seem find solace in sex, and this is something that I find hard to understand. When the world closes in, why doesn't she find comfort in the intense intimacy that comes from being naked, wrapped around one another, skin-on-skin?

With chastity though, if you honor the idea that she has control over your sex life, it makes you talk, as there's no "fuck it, I don't need her." And that's what we did, talk, and even though voices were raised and I got a little hysterical at times, it was a talk, not a fight. And the next morning we both felt much better. We didn't really resolve anything, but having brought our differences into sharp relief (once again), we can see around the differences for the person we love. She woke me up by gently touching and squeezing my hand. We kissed deeply, connected, and I was back in the zone.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The story continues

I've been thinking about what happened last night with Lucy's non-reaction to this blog.

First off: what was I thinking? I had just finished a 16 hour day and I was exhausted. She had the kids all day and she was exhausted. We were mindlessly watching a crappy game and I should just have left it at that. The timing was just stupid. 

Secondly: I can take being slapped down, but the indifference really bothered me. In our relationship, I'm the emotional one, with my heart on my sleeves, and she's the stoic. When we fight, I'm the one screaming, "Say something! Anything!" and she's the one who walks off. So I get defensive whenever I think she's retreated behind her wall. But in this case, I had mistaken exhaustion for indifference. How do I know this? Because I asked her tonight, when we were both slightly more rested, and she was relaxing out naked after a hot bath, and I was idly applying moisturizer to her oh-so-luscious curves.

"So how come you stopped reading after that [entry]?"

"I thought that was it, there's more?"

Now, I do post rather infrequently, but that did make me feel like an idiot.

"It's not that I don't like your blog, but I don't follow blogs, period."

And she's right. She doesn't follow any parenting blogs, or cooking blogs, or photo blogs, so why would it be any different with a chastity blog?

"It's not just any blog though," I say. "It's another channel of communication for us."

"I can see that. Tomorrow, I'll read the rest, OK?"


Monday, November 15, 2010

I love Lucy

But she apparently doesn't much care about the blog. I've never kept the blog a secret from my wife Lucy, but she's never once asked to read it. I finally asked her outright if she wanted to read it and she said yes. So tonight, during a rather one-sided Redskin/Phillies game, I turned on private browsing and pointed her browser at the blog. She got as far as "Pretty Nice Night" but wasn't inclined to read any further. She wasn't inclined to discuss it either. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Granted, it's hardly above mindless navel gazing, but I figure if there's one person who cares about what I write here, it would be my wife. I guess I was hoping for some recognition that the blog reflected some truths about our relationship, but I think it just made her uncomfortable. Is this just me pushing again? Trying for the millionth time to top from the bottom?

Steelheart imminent

As I mentioned over on Chastity Forums, I have a Steelworxx Steelheart coming!
I agonized over the total length, but after going back and forth with Steelworxx, I settled on 85mm, which will be a little longer than the troublesome CB-6000s that I currently wear on and off. What finally convinced me to go shorter rather than longer was Dev's observation that you're flaccid most of the time, so why optimize for comfort when erect? It made sense, but it contradicted with Thumper's sizing of his own Steelheart (though I know he's currently thinking of a smaller tube -- the question is how much smaller) so I was/am a tad worry.

In the end I went for 85mm total length, 35mm tube diameter, both a 42 and 45mm A ring, the comfort ring on the tube, the integrated lock ... and the PA fixing. I considered the 40mm ring, but it just looked too damn small. Seeing as how I'm currently bouncing between 1 3/4" and 1 7/8" with the CB-6000s, 42mm seemed much more likely.

I'm crossing my fingers that metal will be much more comfortable. And I'm totally jumping the gun on the PA fixing, seeing that I don't have a PA yet. But now I have to get one. I keep putting it off for some stupid reason.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Make-up sex

The week didn't start all that well. I hadn't orgasm in about two weeks, she had set expectations for sex that didn't materialize, I slipped into an old pattern of anger and resentment, she got defensive, and it blew up from there.

Me: "You always ignore me. Sex is at the bottom of your priority list."

Her: "We do fine for awhile and you go back to pressuring me. You're basically accusing me of being frigid."

I woke up the next morning realizing what a dick I had been. We talked. I apologized. She was doing exactly what we had agree to, putting her needs before mine, and I couldn't handle it. We had been intimate for several nights prior, with me massaging and caressing her body, but no oral sex -- she thought she was providing exactly what I needed, and she was right. The whole "please me" thing wasn't really working for her -- it was another one of my ideas that she felt she had to live up to.

The talk put us back on track and that night, after a hot bath, and a head-to-toe massage, I nuzzled her neck and asked her if she wanted to come. As an answer, she drew up her knees and spread her legs open, guiding my mouth to where she wanted it, and where I desperately wanted to be.

Two nights later, we did it again, and tonight we did it a third time. Evidently male chastity leads to week-long make-up sex. Right now, I couldn't care less if I never came again.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Pleasure me

My wife has really been enjoying her new bath tub. She had a long soak tonight while watching Weeds and The Big C. Yes, I did run her bath, set up her laptop for Slingbox streaming, and fetched her a glass of wine. Afterward, she laid on the bed naked, blissfully content, while I lotioned her front and back and massaged her feet. When I finished I had a huge wet spot on my boxers. I really wanted to go down on her but had to settle just for a few kisses on her pussy lips.

We've been having a lot of these sessions -- Saturday, Sunday, Monday and tonight by last count. Sometimes they end with my head between her thighs driving her to orgasm and sometimes it's all about the touching, like tonight. This frequency of intimacy was rare as recently as two months ago. We're definitely getting our groove back.

I've always felt a little awkward asking to give oral sex though, so we talked a little bit about this. She was actually OK with me asking, as long I stopped pressing when she said no -- no meant no. But from now on, at my suggestion, we're going to try something that could be really hot: I'm not to ask at all. If she wants oral sex, she's going to say "pleasure me."