"Why do I have to lock you up to get respect and love? Why do I have to change [and be kinky] for you to love me?"
Whenever we fight about my kinks, the above always comes up, year in and year out. It occurred to me this weekend though, that perhaps we finally have the tool to address this issue, and it's been staring me in the face: Maymay's relationship stack, which Thumper talked about here.
Our love for each other is rooted at the friend, lover, and spouse level. The chastity play comes from this love, and not the other way around. Viewed this way, keeping me locked up is akin to her giving me hand job, or a blow job, or any thing else she's ever done for me sexually. It's just another way to be intimate, and any other effect it has, like making me behave like a teenager experiencing his first love when I'm around her, is just a super-bonus.
I'm not sure she quite buys it, but it's a start. And it doesn't really change anything, as I'm still kinky and she's not, but I'm perfectly fine doing a little mental jujitsu to get to my happy place.
"You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. ... . After nine years, you know what I realize?
Ignorance is bliss."